Worth a thousand words

Un-freaking-titled

Your words I have read

Your confessions I have known

But not for me

And not to me

But for her,

And for her only

Your love in those eyes

I have seen

Witnessed the battle

You tried to win

But it was not for me,

I know it’s not for me

Because it’s all for her,

And just hers entirely

Your feelings for her

Is like a sword

Stabbing me right on my chest,

Slaying me flesh to flesh

And I let you do it

Because that’s all I know

For what kind of friend will I be?

If over this, I’ll let our friendship go

Really, though. I don't like writing sappy love poems. Hahaha. WHYYYYYY

Free verse rehearse

I look at you

With feelings in my eyes

With longing in my heart

I look at you

And all I see is everything I can’t have

And everything that I will always want

You look back at me

With an emptiness--

So agonizing, so destructive

Obliterating every sliver of strength left in me

I feel myself floating

In a sea

With you on the shore

Drifting apart

While I’m wanting,

still wanting

So much more

There’s nothing left here

For me

Nothing to fight for

Nothing to gain

And just everything to lose

I feel myself drowning

In a sea

Full of my feelings

Gasping for air

But with your unpitying stare,

I’m sinking, now I’m sinking

to the depths of nowhere.

This is the very first free verse poem that I have ever written. It's ridiculously cheesy and sad and I know that soon enough I'm going to have to disown this. Hoho.

I just got back into writing poems. I stopped when I realized I made 65 love poems for just one person who doesn't even know how to appreciate the art of using words. But I'm over it so I'm here again. And I hope I could get on with doing this. The end.

Open happiness.

Just a little note to remind myself that I should hang in here and not die. There are still things in life than can somehow make me smile. :)

Like:

1. The morning rain.
2. My hibernation.
3. When my friends call me Yan instead of Yanni or Diane.
4. Books. And more books. And more more books.
5. Listen to The Material’s The Only One. :’)
6. Learn a new hair style.
7. Fish fillet. Can’t. Resist. It. Ugh
8. A wide green field.
9. Basketball shots and race car games in World of Fun or Timezone or Tom’s World.
10. An updated karaoke.
11. A cup of milk or a cup super creamy coffee.
12.  Soccer!
13. Spending time with my family and my friends.
14. Long rides.
15. Oddly, I get happy when I clean my room.
16. Taking pictures.
17. Successfully doing a nail art.
18. Curling my hair. -____-
19. Gleeeeeeeeeeee.
20. Money. Ha-ha.

Hit and Rant.

I really don’t get how some people could be so mean to others. Everyone is facing a hard battle. Dood, you might be pulling the last straw and that person you’re hurting could consider hurting him/herself or really, commit suicide. The more days I spend here on Earth, the more I learn to despise a lot of stuff. Like bullying, labelling people, and even the fact that humans cut down trees to create paper and then write “Save Trees”. Ironic. Most of the time, though, I just try not to think about all of these because I know they’re just going to drive me insane. And please, my sanity is on its edge already. Don’t push it.  But still, I have my moments. They all get into me sometimes and I end up rambling like this. Ugh. Hahaha. Okay. That’s it.

Gossip Goat=Me

I’ve been watching Gossip Girl episodes lately. And I have to admit, I spend nights wishing I were Blair Waldorf or maybe Serena or maybe a new character that’s going to end up with Dan Humphrey (because I actually like guys who are good in literature. Hahaha). I know the show is all wrapped around glitz and glamour and I happen to have none of any of those and that’s probably why I like the show. Haha.

1. They all have the perfect hair. Like Serena always has this hot and sexy look with her hair but when  I try doing her messy hairstyle on myself I end up having… well, plainly messy MESSY hair that isn’t even close to looking hot.
2. Oh and they all look perfect in every dress they wear. Okay, and I never get to wear those kinds of clothes because, apparently, I don’t have to. Shirts and jeans are always my usual get-up. Because if I ever try wearing glittery stuff, I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up like a disco ball.
3. They have countless parties. And the only decent parties I have ever attended in my whole life are birthday parties, of kids even younger than I am, and well, the usual Christmas parties in school that we have to attend to. And they never involve champagnes or waiters running around with drinks and stuff. The parties I know involve mascots, statue dances and candies as prizes for games.
4. And, yeah, my showers actually last longer than their relationships. They swap partners faster than I could even wash my hair. And they always have good-looking partners while, in my life, I am struggling to find gorgeous guys who aren’t gay or taken.

Yeah, so my life isn’t like those of the elites from the Upper East Side. Not even close. But just because they’re all rich and stuff doesn’t mean they don’t go through problems like the normal people go through. Like family troubles, tests of friendships and love dilemmas. I just like how I could hate and love every character all at the same time. Because I believe that’s what real people are. One can’t actually be all too evil, or too good. Lalala. Okay. Bye.

The DRAMAtorga.

All I wanted was to hear you say that whatever happens, you’ll always be my bestest best friend and that I’ll get through all of this. But of course you had to blow it all up and make me feel like I’m such a hopeless and lost cause. Which I know is true but you didn’t have to rub it in, you knew I needed someone to talk to. 
I guess I learned not to expect too much from you anymore. You’re probably not the right person that I should turn to now. Whatever happened to our friendship, I don’t even want to know anymore. You know I had issues over this. And you come doing this all over again like you don’t know me at all. 
I think this is it. Maybe, this will be all too easy for me since I always lose guy friends anyway. They never seem to stay. And I am so tired of chasing every person who walks out of my life. Chasing is a good work out, I know but it doesn't always work out. So... Goodbye.