LOVE ME FOR REAL.

Why can’t you just love me for real?
Why do you have to play with what I feel?
It’s not making me happy anymore, you know
When the words you’re in, aren’t the words you throw


You shouldn’t have taken it this far
To the point that you’re breaking my heart
Don’t say you love me when we both know you don’t
And don’t make me feel like you will because I know you won’t


Don’t let me hear those words ever again
I need you to know that you need not pretend
Don’t say you love me if you really don’t feel that way
We don’t have a commitment so you need not stay


7:37 pm
September 28, 2010
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I don't like us faking it. Haha. Anyway, I'm thinking about bananako and me. But NO, it's not what you're thinking. This poem isn't entirely for him. I mean, I was only considering the thought of well.. you know, falling for him. But I'm glad I didn't. Because I learned that he has a lot of admirers. Whew! O_O
And I am pretty sure, it's no fun falling for someone who only sees you as a friend. Haha. I know that. And i swear to God I know how it feels like. I'm telling you, it never felt so good. :P


Okay, that's it. I'm not sure if I'll be posting some more poems here BECAUSE my poems are really SERIOUS. They are like one line of eyebrows. Hey!. Haha. :P

My Christmas WISHLIST:

1. A "Michael Moscovitz". :) Though I find this very difficult. HAHA.

2. The complete series of Princess Diaries. I need real books. not just eBooks. HAHA.

3. An electric guitar... with an amplifier. HAHAHA. demanding!

4. A new phone because my current phone is a total bamf. HAHA. I know... I was the one who ruined it. LOL. Whatever.

4. A cute journal. :))))) So I could write more NONSENSE stuffsssss.

5. The LOVE graphics of Banana Peel flats. :) Weeh. They're cute.

6. Rupert Grint. Adam Sevani. Robert Schwartzman. Zach Cregger. Nick Lashaway.

7. DRAMEDY books... like Meg Cabot's.

8. A pillow... or something huggable.

9. Nail POLISH. Weeeh. :)))) Bright-colored.


10. Bed sheets. HAHAHAHA. still... Bright-colored.

11. A lifetime supply of nebules. Haha.

12. A grand piano. (This is very stupid. Haha. but i could get this if my Granda P would cross by this blog. But I bet she wouldn't. I'm not even sure if she surfs the net... but well, if she ever reads this, that would be really.... WEIRD. O_O)

13. Chapstick.

14. A SUPERMAN SHIRT. :))))


15. And.. a PICK PUNCHER. It's like a usual puncher but instead of producing small circles, it produces a pick. :)

RAL-G Madness. Sorry. HAH. >:)

I can’t believe I’m typing this out. I had a full three-day obsession with Rupert Grint. Okay. So not a full three-day… it just happens to be happening for quite a while ever since I rounded up at this site: Rupertgrint.net. Uhh-mazing.

Yes. He’s cool. He’s such a huge, successful star—and, mind you, one of the richest actors under the age of 25—yet he still lives with his family in London. I bet he’s not a snob. He even made a thank you video for his fans who gave him a gift for his birthday. Well, I’ve learned a few stuffs about him these past few days. Thanks to this worldwide gripping source—the internet. He knows how to unicycle. He loves miniature pigs, donkeys, and hedgehogs. Apparently weird, but it’s all right. I just can’t believe he actually wants to be an ice cream man. I mean, that’s really pretty cute. And ice cream’s literally cool, too. He’s got Mr. Whippy here, his ice cream van.

He has other movies too like Thunder pants, Cherry bomb, Wild target, Baggy Trousers, Driving Lessons, Eddie the Eagle (Soon, perhaps) and of course The Harry Potter series. I just didn’t know that he was in a Peter Pan movie… or was it a movie? I don’t know. Maybe it was a movie. Ha-ha!

Oops. I’ve seen Happy Birthday Peter Pan and Rupert narrated and voiced over Peter Pan.

I’ve read interviews and articles about him too. I’ve watched videos of him. Oh, I did actually watch the first three parts of Cherry bomb but I surrendered since I have a pretty bad sense of hearing and I can’t understand a word that they’re saying. So I will have to wait until I know how to convert those videos and watch them in my VLC media player. Good luck to me, anyway.

Hmmm. SWINE FLU. He was hit by swine flu. He has freakishly huge tonsils. He can’t carry a tune and he seriously looks funny when he dances. Like a kid. Well, at least some kids look cute when they dance. Well, Rupert looks… just funny. He looks terribly funny in an Uhh-mazing way, though.

Well, he’s not that bad at things because there are quite peculiar and really awesome things that can do: play golf, he’s good in jumping rope, which I have no hope ever since I had my own consciousness, and he can play the banjo and accordion—Oh, I’ve always wanted to play an accordion—and like I said he can do the unicycle thingy. He was into circus when he was younger.

And yes, oh yes, we are feverishly worlds apart. And by the way, I never thought I’d be doing this thing. I’ve never done this when I had a huge crush on Enchong Dee who was always with Erich Gonzales. Bitter. Okay, so I had a picture of Enchong in my wallet. But-- duhh! -- I barely open my wallet since I don’t really put my money in there.

I don’t know if this is a bad thing or what. All I know is that I’m loving this little fantasy about Rupert Alexander Lloyd Grint. And who doesn’t want to dwell on such a PURRFECT fantasy? We all do. It just stops when we reality starts to bite us.

This castle in the sky made me enjoy my oh-ever-so-boring sem-break. I could stare at the laptop’s screen with a wide smile on my face since I’m playing a video of Rupert again. Or if not, my head’s buried near the screen for reading interviews about him. Or if not that, I’m busy checking rupertgrint.net every minute of my time. I can’t even stand a day without looking and smiling at his picture. Yes, you could say I’m going nuts but who cares? I’d rather be nuts because of him than have someone else as the reason. At least Rupert’s a really good guy and he’s, AT LEAST, not in love with any of my close/best girl pals.

Okay… okay, I’m only saying.

This obsession sure doesn’t mess around. I can deal with this. But, honestly, I BADLY WANT TO GO TO LONDON AND RAID HIS SHOOTS AND BRING HIM HERE, to where I am right now. Okay, just kidding. I am sadly, in the Philippines, in Cebu, in Pardo, in Cogon… oh yeah. I’m on my bed. I HAVE TO GET RICH AND BE IN LONDON! Or if not… he HAS to fly over here in Cebu and I’ll crawl up to him… somehow. Oh. My. God. This is getting pathetic already. But what else is new? I’ve always been pathetic… At least it’s because of Rupert.

But, reality check? He doesn’t even know me. Let alone the fact that I exist. Well maybe he likes quirky girls. And I know I am quirky, and I’m not claiming it because he likes that, but because I really am. I have always been strange to the eyes of my own human kind, I guess. They say it’s weird for me to really love bananas… well maybe I’m not like the normal people. Maybe I’m not a wholly-evolved ape. I think I’m still stuck in the evolution part. Oh Crap, I don’t even believe in this evolution theory because… so far, I’ve never seen an ape that turned into human. Sorry, but that was how they taught that. Sorry Mr. Charles Darwin. Back to what I’m saying, I am weird, I discern. You’ll say I’m weird when you’re going to eat with me. I always seem to have all the resto’s sauce acclaimed and consumed by, none other than, myself. When I was younger, my dad scolded me for like treating the soy sauce as water. Seriously, I was willing to drink it. It’s weird enough for my friends to love me this way, though. Nice. Maybe my friends are weird too. Maybe, in a way, they are as psychotic as me. Ha-ha! Lucky ducks.

So you see? I could be the quirky girl Rupert’s looking for. But I’ll face it… I’m not the only strange girl in this planet. We’re all unique. We’re different. So what makes me competent? What makes me different from everyone else? We all want to be different, which makes us the same. Ironic. But out of the bazillion admirers that actually has, what makes me special? I find this helpless, really. I just hate admitting it. I hate saying goodbye to this dream when it has made me well… really well that I managed to survive life because of this. It’s just sad to know that I adore him so much and yet, he doesn’t even know, for a stinky fact, that I exist. SAD. *sigh* I’m not saying goodbye, yet. I can’t even stand a day without a single thought about this distant star I’m wishing on. J Okay, so much of this drama, I’ve got to finish reading “Of mice and Men” of John Steinbeck. Pfffft!.

GOODBYE OCTOBER, though. Nice meeting you.

Oh well, hello November! Please be nice to me. HAHA!

GTG!

11:07 pm

October 31, 2010

Twenty-FIVE FACTS. Eew.

1)       I have an all-time favorite pillow. It’s a yellow one, with seeds in it. I’ve always had it. Ever since I was a child.

2)       Okay, so when I was still three years old, I was clueless of what it’s like to take care of a younger brother. Well… I was watching my brother on his crib that time, and when he began to cry, I covered his entire face with a big squishy pillow. …Oh Yes, I almost killed him. I almost killed my brother. Whew. But dude, I was still a child too, you know?!

3)       Just recently, the dentist discovered that I have an incomplete set of teeth. I didn’t notice it, really. I lack two teeth. Hahahaha. It’s so weird; it took me 15 years to actually notice it.

4)       I am a bit obsessed with nail polishes… hahaha. I know it’s quite obvious already. J hahaha.

5)       I started writing poems when I was in first year high school. My first poem entitled, “I was there”, was dedicated to a batch mate, whose dad died that time. I wanted him to know that I was there, that I cared, but I realized that I was such an fc so I stopped chasing him. This isn’t really the first poem of mine; it’s the first poem of my heart. Ahahaha. Eeew.

6)       I can cook. NOT ONLY fried eggs, hotdogs or pancit cantons, okay?! I mean, I can cook some real food. Hekhek. Like linat-ang baka, pansit, sweet and sour pork and fish. Hahaha. J

7)       I never really had an interest in playing the guitar. Okay, not until I liked Clorets. I wanted to learn how to play it because he knows how to play it. :P hahaha.

8)       So… when I stare into space that’s because my mind is indisputably empty or it’s flipping full of thoughts. Hahaha. That’s my Tama-mode.

9)        I seriously believe in this saying: Good thoughts grow into love. That is why I can like someone, and then later on fall for that someone, just by thinking nicely of him (or her, but I don’t fall in love with a girl, though). But that’s only the first step, next is accepting their imperfections. I’m pretty good at this, I swear.

10)   I become workaholic when I want to forget something else. That’s some kind of a defense mechanism. Hahaha.

11)   My grandpa, he’s a pure Chinese. So that means I’m 25% Chinese. It really shows, you know?! Hahaha. Hahaaay.

12)   My middle name should be Sia and not Angcon. But my grandma and grandpa were not married and granny had to pay if she wants her child to take the family name of grandpa. So they never did. They didn’t want to pay. That’s why I have Angcon instead of Sia. Hahaha. But that’s okay. It would’ve been better though if my middle name is Sia. J

13)   My granpa’s cousin (mom’s side), ran for president against Marcos. And he only got 8 votes from all over the country. Gawd!. Hahaha. My family is just so weird. Yeah, I think that explains it. That’s why I’m weird too.

14)   I am comfortable being with non-perverted boys. I mean, ever since I was a child, I always had a guy best friend. Even if I get out of place when they talk about games… I still want to talk to them. They’re good advisers too, I think. BUT I have my best gal pals too, and they are supah dupah special to me too.

15)   Uhmm. Should I admit now…? That I’m a stalker too?. Hahahaha. Yeah, so… hello world, I’m one heck of a stalker.

16)   I can be very annoying. But I’m only like that to those people that matter to me. I promise. I can hug you and then send you a million messages and tickle or squish your ear or your nose… etc. But I can only do that to you if I do really love you. J I’m so sweet, I know.

17)   I am afraid to pry on other people’s lives because they might reject me. Well, I’m not really afraid of rejection, I just hate it. I mean, it can hurt, you know?! But... what can I do? That is a sure part of this crappy life.

18)   I DESPISE THURSDAYS! I don’t really know why. But ever since I was in 3^rd year high school, I just loathed it. It’s PE time, and I suck at volleyball and I don’t know how to dance. I just hate Thursdays. That’s it.

19)   I used to look for songs that’d fit my situation, well, now… I write them, Yuck. Hahaha. PURELY YUCK!!!

20)   I always dream of going to a far-off place with cliffs and people playing… uhm. Quidditch. Yes, Quidditch… with people in red robes on their brooms, flying around. It’s a green place there, btw.

21)   I am very fond of sauces. Like when I eat Lumpia Shanghai, I should have a whole bowl of sauce. And… etc. Hahaha. My friends know this. Haha.

22)   I have lived in this house ever since I was born. I don’t really know how it feels to pack up and live on another place or what. Hahahaha. I still don’t have xp in this.

23)   I’m not afraid of death, I just hate it. I hate watching people cry and mourn. I hate it because I can’t help them, all I can do is comfort them, and it’s not really that good, for me, because I’m no good at comforting.

24)   I just love Ron Weasley. Minus the freckles and red hair. I just love his personality. Hahaha. I am in love with him. Weeeeeh. Weasley you’re my king. J

25)   I’m just a typical teenage girl strutting on her flats. Hahaha. I don’t really want to exist—I badly want to LIVE!

That’s it. I’m done. I just want to talk. Hahaha. Hihihi. Mas detailed man gud ni. Hahaha.

THE BEST FICTIONAL GUYS:

I'm so bored. Haha. So here. I created a list of my crushes. FICTIONAL. :) HAHAH.

THE BEST FICTIONAL GUYS:

1. MICHAEL MOSVCOVITZ of the Princess Diaries

(Played by Robert Schwartzman in the movie Princess Diaries last 2001)

Who loves Michael? Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo, the Princess of Genovia does. But aside from her, there’s a dreamer who likes Michael, quite more than Mia does.

I do.

Duh. Who wouldn’t like a guy who’s musically inclined (who can play at least fifty musical instruments), a computer genius who can manage hacking, who can write songs for you, who’s sweet and totally NOT unromantic and HOT? Only an irrational person wouldn’t like him. He’s like so perfect. That’s why, I guess, he’s just a fictional character of the Princess Diaries.

Okay, so if he were mine then he wouldn’t need to go to Japan to work on a Cardioarm since he wouldn’t have to prove anything to my entire family. I am not a princess, but well, that doesn’t exempt me from having a crazy life to drool over. Which—BUMMER!

If Michael was mine I would be the happiest person Earth!

Wait. And Robert, the actor, has a REAL band, Rooney—in REALITY! And he’s the cousin of Nicholas Cage. And he really does write songs AND HE CAN SING!!!!!!!!. Oh Gosh! He is SOOOOO amazing! (My fave is Tell me soon). J

2. DAVE of Chapatti or Chips

He’s a pig. He porks every woman who wears a skirt, well, except his best friend, Naina. She’s an Indian who has to live with the Indian traditions her parents have laid out for her—a fixed marriage. But she couldn’t marry the guy, Ashok, because unfortunately, she is in love with her sex maniac best friend, Dave. Okay, so Dave is a sex maniac. The one who lost his erection the moment he got Naina on bed, the one who made out with his best friend Froggy’s girl friend, the one who ran off to Tenerife when he had to marry someone he didn’t even love, the one who thinks that marriage is for insecure people only, the one who thinks he is immune to love, the one who realized that he has also loved his best friend from the very start. Yes, so I like it when guys fall for their girl best friends because it’s more possible than just bumping into someone you hardly know and saying you’re in love with them. Ugh!

3. RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY of the Harry Potter Series

(Played by Rupert Alexander Lloyd Grint)

Well, why wouldn’t I love him? He too, like Dave, fell in love with his best friend Hermione Granger. I know he wasn’t the REAL star in the series but let’s face it, what would the Harry Potter series be without Ron Weasley in it? The humorous, quite-dense, red-head guy who happened to help Harry destroy the second Horcrux they got (After the one in the Chamber of secrets). He’s pretty sweet too. I know Rupert Grint, like a lot of others would say, isn’t really hot. But hey, he looks so UHH-MAZING for me! At least in my clear sight. He has the built even if he doesn’t work out. He can do the unicycle thingy. And he loves ice cream, oh and he has an ice cream van! I am not only technically in love with Ron but I am also not-clandestinely in love with Rupert since I happen to have an account on his fan site rupertgrint.net. You better check it out. He’s not only a wizard; he’s also a samurai’s apprentice. Ha-ha!

4. CALLUM FOX of Paris or Bust: Daddy Come Lately

Yes, of course. He was also in love with his best friend, Jody. Who, he happened to have kids with, way before he worked at another state. He reminds me of a best friend I had before; someone who’s also tall, white-skinned and typically sweet. But no way am I going to have kids with that person I know. A thousand No—that is. Anyway, Callum realizes that those were his kids when he visits Jody at her ranch and sees the boys, yes—boys, his twins. Jeremy and Benjamin. And then he tries to make it up to Jody and eventually, they got back together.

5. ROBERT ALEXANDER III a.k.a MOOSE of Step Up 2 and 3D

(Played by Adam Gary Sevani—the adorable Hottie)

I never knew dancing would spark my interest me until I saw him dance. Plus Moose also fell in love with his best friend, Camille, who I thought was called “Chameleon”. You couldn’t blame me, I’m bort of deaf anway (What’s new?). Adam played it really well. It’s just so sad that I can’t stalk him—oh, talk to him, rather, since he doesn’t have a twitter account or even an FB account. Anyway, I love the character but I’m going to have to say that I love Adam more. Why not? Of course he is REALITY! I mean, he really can dance and I think, as far as I’ve noticed, he does his stunts in the movie, that he doesn’t need a stunt man to do it for him, PLUS he has abs (I’m not even kidding). He may be not the bulky type of guy but HE IS A DANCER. He’s got abs. He sounds cute (especially when he raps). Oh, God. I swear I’d get to meet him one day. Talk about Dreams.

Well, I never though dancing could be so toe-curling, you know. I always thought it’s just the usual, that everyone can dance. Oh, I even thought that I know how to dance… just not until I saw him dance. That was really jaw-breaking and heart-drooling, you know? He’s kind of subtle and very unreadable at times, though, I just noticed with Jon Chu’s blogs and videos. (Oh God. Microsoft word doesn’t even know the word blog. Hey! I know what I am talking about!)

6. MARCUS of the Last Song

(Played by Nick Lashaway)

Now take a look at that. He may be the bad guy in the movie and the book but who cares? He’s totally hot. Ha-ha! He was not the kind of Marcus that I imagined while I was reading the Last Song of Nicholas Sparks. I imagined a bald one and a really big guy like Puck in Glee. But well, I guess, Nick Lashaway really took my lashes away. Sweet!

Okay… I’m exaggerating. Well, I am not so into the character Marcus in the book since he reminds me of some incredible hulk or even Lennie of “Of mice and Men”. I just slashed it out for Nick Lashaway. I mean, yes, he could be hairy and that, well at least his face is. That’s all I could see. (I haven’t had a glimpse of his armpit, I guess. I’m just kidding. LOL)

Well… I can’t even seem to take a peek of his armpit in this photo since his arms are… woah… I don’t know. Ha-ha! O_O

But look at him! Why does a bad guy have to look like that? Aren’t they bad enough that they still have their looks to what… maybe lure girls? Huh! Talk about unfair… but all right!

7. EUGENE of Miss March

(Played by Zach Cregger)

This is so mean. I know the movie was kind of x-rated and all. But it doesn’t seem to take away the fact that the guy who believed in ABSTINENCE looks really good. REALLY GOOD. He’s like a Hollywood version of Sam Milby. Anyway, I really love the story. You know, Eugene and his girlfriend have been going out for like years already and they have never done it. They even had campaigns on ABSTINENCE. But his girl friend, amusingly, believes that it’s about time they do it. And they planned that they would—after prom. But Eugene, with his sex maniac best friend, offers him a drink… and another one… and another one until Eugene gets drunk and instead of going upstairs to where his girl friend was waiting for him so the could finally do it, he fell down to which seemed like a supply closet and the whole cabinet fell over him and he had a coma. It was tragic. He was in a coma for four years. Four years until his best friend batted him out of it. When he had his consciousness back he just knew that his girl friend was posing for the Playboy magazine. And Eugene, with his psycho best friend who stabbed Candice (Eugene’s best friend’s girl friend) with a fork, decided to go to the Playboy mansion and see Eugene’s girl friend there. He was so hurt. He was really thinking that his girl friend already loss her virginity to someone else while he was in a coma. But it turned out that Eugene’s girlfriend didn’t do poses because she has become a whore, but because she had to earn to pay the hospital that Eugene was in. It was really sweet.

Too bad my Dad deleted the movie the moment I said I watched it again. Why?! There’s a lesson, you know. It was just gross with the lesbians making out. Ugh! Eew!

8.       PRINCE ZUKO in the Avatar: The Last Airbender

(Played by Dev Patel)

I was really confused of his character. He was kid of selfish but then he just saved Aang. I just don’t know what to feel about him. I mean, he was only doing what he was doing so his dad would allow him to get back to the fire nation, which is totally mean of his dad. But I must admit, Dev looked stunning in the movie. You know, it’s pretty amazing to see guys like him—with long fixed noses. Ha-ha! I suddenly remembered Jid. Oh God! Ha-ha! Well maybe Dev reminds me of him… Or maybe the other way around, maybe Jid reminds me of Dev. Well, whatever!

9. JACOB BLACK of the Twilight Saga

(Played by Taylor Lautner)

I’m more of a Jacob fan than an Edward fan. But well, I’m not really a fan of Twilight. But I watch it, though. Because I had to see Taylor Lautner getting hot. And well, he practically falls in love with his best friend, Bella. Lucky duck. But he then imprints on Bella’s daughter afterwards, which, for me, makes him less adorable. Tsk. He still looks appalling and stunning, though, before he imprints.

10. FINN HUDSON of Glee

(Played by Cory Monteith)

He is a drummer. And he can sing. I am even listening to his version of “Can’t fight this feeling” now. I know that this could be edited, or whatever. I’m not ditching that possibility. But since this is a list of supposedly FICTIONAL characters then I think I could include guys who can ACTUALLY SING—like Finn Hudson. I just don’t get it why he has to be Rachel’s lover in the show. Oh, Rachel is such a B in the show. Her character is freakishly annoying and ANNOYING!

But Finn? Oh no. He’s like a perfect Hottie. (Wait. I’ve most likely been saying that ALL THESE GUYS are Hotties!) Ha-ha!

Well, Finn’s no exception. Especially since I’ve listed him here. Duh. I just love his CHARACTER. And that’s just the size of it. Tee Hee!